Alone
by xLoveOfMyLifex
Summary: The parents of Degrassi are invited to an social evening. This bothers Miles as he doesn't know wether to invite his dad or not. Most of this is in Miles' POV, but also some in Tristan's. There's also a tiny bit of Maya/Miles interaction. Mostly a hurting Miles and his thoughts about his relationship with his dad.


**Miles POV**

I sat down at our usual lunch table, paper in my hand. I stared at it. I had read it over and over again, not being able to decide whether to bother do give it to my dad or not. It's not like it was going to make any difference, but a part of me still hoped. I stared at the sentence which was the reason for my thoughts: _Parents more than welcome_. Reading it one last time, realization hit me. There's no point. I put the paper down as I sat up straight, letting the breath I didn't know I was holding out. Just as I looked up, Tristan sat down.

"Hey" he said with a smile, putting his plate with food down. "No food?" He asked wondering.

"Umm.." I started, being a bit too distracted to focus on our barley started conversation. I just stared into the air, until Tristan waved his hand in front of my eyes.

"Anybody home?" He asked smiling.

"Ehh, yeah" I responded, still looking straight forwards.

"Ok, what's bothering you?" Tristan asked, giving up on the happy-tone. I looked at him, forcing a weak smile.

"Nothing" He just looked at me.

"Spill it" He said, not even bothering to pretend he believed me.

"It's nothing, just tired" I said, smiling again.

"Yeah, sure" He said, taking a bite of his sandwich. "What's that?" He asked pointing towards the paper.

"Oh, it's just the presentation invitation" I said, shrugging it off. This made Tristan smile.

"Oh, that's right! That's tonight! I seriously can't wait! It's going to be amazing. My whole family is coming, they've been talking about it all week" He said smiling as he took another bite of his food. I smiled at him. It was good seeing him sincerely happy.

"I bet you've bragged about it all week" I said laughing a bit.

"Um, well.. maybe a little" he said happily. "But they're actually very excited, so it's only fear I let them know how fun it'll be. They're looking forward to meeting everyone too"

"Really? Like who?" I asked.

"Well, you know. Teachers, my friends and my friends' families" I smiled at him. It must be nice, I thought.

"What about your family? How many?"

"How many what?"

"How many are coming, silly. From your family. I mean, I know your parents are, and your sister of course, she is part of the school after all, but anyone else? Grandparents maybe?" I looked straight forward again. "Mine are coming" Tristan said with a huge smile.

"That's great, Tris" I said, without much emotion.

"So?"

"I don't really know" I said as I picked up my phone, pretending to look at it.

"How can you not? I mean, it's today. Come on, put the phone down and tell me. I'm excited. I'm finally going to meet the Hollingsworth's"

"Or not" I said quietly.

"What?"

"Nothing" I said, looking at him and forcing another smile.

"You have told them about it, right? You have invited them?" He was staring at me now, making me a bit uncomfortable. I shifted in my seat.

"Umm.." I said, not finishing my sentence. I swallowed, before continuing. "Not really" I said, not looking at him.

"Why not?" Tristan asked, confusion filling his voice. I looked at the table.

"I don't want them there" As I said this I could actually feel my chest sting a bit. If only that was it. Truth is, I was scared. I was scared they wouldn't show up. They never really had. This way, by not inviting them, it was my choice. He wasn't the one deciding not to bother to come. He had better things to do anyway. He always had.

"You can't be serious" Tristan said. I looked at him. I tried to say something, but I closed my mouth, letting my eyes wonder to the table again. "Come on Miles, this is a big day! Everyone's parents are gonna be here"

"Not mine"

"Because you didn't invite them. Why not?" He insisted.

"It wouldn't make any difference" Tristan gave me a confused look. "Sure it would"

"My dad" I waited a second, before continuing "he's busy. He has better things to do" I said rubbing my eyes.

"I'm sure he can fit you in tonight" Tristan said smiling. I let out a sad laugh.

"Yeah sure, good one" I said as my smile faded.

"You won't know, if you don't try"

"Oh, but I have. There's no point"

"But you said you hadn't invited them..?"

"Not to this arrangement, but I have before. Many times" I said the last sentence more to myself than to Tris.

"And I bet your dad has attended most of them, so maybe he'll come" I shook my head, feeling the stinging in my chest again.

"Can we talk about something else?" I asked.

"Not before you promise me you'll invite your dad"

"I can't"

"Why not?"

"Because there's no point, ok? I'm just wasting his time inviting him to stupid arrangements he'll never attend" Tristan was about to say something, but I cut him off. "And before you say something, yes I do know he won't come. He hasn't come to anything of mine since I was in kindergarten, ok? He never.. shows up"

**Tristan's POV**

I could see the pain in Miles' eyes. He was avoiding looking at me, but I could see it.

"But it doesn't matter" he continued. "It's not like I care" I looked at him. This boy could say whatever he wanted, but it was visible he was affected. He seemed uncomfortable and.. well, pained. After a few seconds he continued "I mean, I cared a bit in the beginning, but I'm used to it now. His seat was always empty.. I used to care. He didn't. But I don't anymore, what's the point?" I could tell he was trying to play it of as if it was nothing. Unsuccessfully, might I ad.

"Miles.." I started, but got interrupted.

"I mean, he's probably not even gonna show up for my graduation, so there's no way he's coming today" He said while rubbing his hands. I didn't know what to say. What do you say in conversations like this? It turned out I didn't have to say anything, as Miles kept talking. "I'll just be that kid with the busy parents again" He said with a bitter laugh. "I bet he's gonna have a great night watching tv" he added, in an low voice. He stayed silent after that, deep in thoughts, it seemed.

~~~ ~~~~~~Line break ~~ ~~~~~~~~~~

**Miles' POV**

I walked through the doors, stopping as soon as I came inside. I felt so out of place. The hallway was filled with families. Students, parents and even some grandparents and little children. I could hear the laughter from parents catching up with other families. I looked at my feet. What was I even doing here? Why did I come? I don't belong in this crowd. There were only happy, loving families here. I walked to the corner and leaned against the wall. I watched a girl hug her dad. The dad seemed to be bragging about his daughter to his fellow friends, and my mind filled up with memories of my dad. None of them pleasant. I shook my head as I let my eyes wonder to the doors. What was I doing? This was ridiculous. I mean, yeah, I had left the note on the kitchen table, but who was I kidding. I felt another sting. Stop it. I decided to distract myself by thinking of homework. A few seconds later I heard a hello. I turned my head and was met by Maya and her mother.

"Hi" I sad trying to smile.

"Mom, this is Miles, he is in most of my classes."

"Oh yeah, Miles. I think I've met you once before.. where was it.. oh yeah at Tristan's play, is that right?" Maya's mother asked smiling at me.

"Oh yeah, that's right. Nice seeing you again" I said, politely smiling back at her. Maya gave me a look though, so I'm not sure I pulled it off.

"So where's your family?" Her mother asked. "Maya's father couldn't make it, so I have to meat everyone myself to make up for it" Mayas mom joked as she gently pushed Mayas shoulder. Maya laughed at her.

"Yeah, right. That's just an excuse, you talk to everyone anyways" Maya said laughing. Mayas mom smiled at her before looking at me again, waiting for my answer.

"They couldn't make it" I said as naturally as I could. Her mother's smile fell for a second before it was placed right back, in a more apologetic manner this time.

"I'm sorry to hear that. Next time then" She said.

"Of course" I said, trying my best to pull off a believable smile.

"Mom? Why don't you go find Tristan's family. I heard he brought the whole village" Maya said.

"Alright, it was nice seeing you again Miles" her mother said.

"Thanks, you too" I said. I'm not sure she heard it though, as she was already on her way towards the other end of the corridor.

"So.." Maya started. I looked at her.

"So what?" I asked, knowing where this was going.

"Are you ok?"

"Yeah, why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know, I mean—" She was cut off by our English teacher.

"Guys' where are your parents, I don't think I've seen them yet" She said smiling.

"My mom's the one in yellow over there" Maya said pointing.

"Ok, great" our teacher answered. "Miles?"

"I'm alone" I said. That sentence hurt a lot more than it should. I'm alone.

"Oh. Well, next time" She said as she started walking towards Mayas mother.

"Yeah" I whispered to myself. I wish. I'll always be alone.

~~~~~ Line Break ~~~~~~~~~~

**Miles' POV**

I slammed the door, not bothering to be careful not to disturb the house peace. It was ten pm and I was sick and tired of this day. Why did I ever go to the stupid thing? I could have done so many other things, but no, I decided to go. Was I stupid? Did I think it would be fun, having to repeat that my parents weren't there? Well, it fucking wasn't. I threw my jacket on the floor as I made my way to the kitchen. Somehow, a part of me wanted to find the invitation I had left on the table. A part of me wanted to know he hadn't seen it. As I walked into the kitchen my eyes landed on the empty table. It wasn't there. I stood there, just staring at the empty spot. I felt my heart drop. Why did I feel like this? Stop it! You're used to it! Don't act surprised. I closed my eyes for a few seconds before walking to the fridge. I took out a yoghurt, but soon realized I had to throw it away, as it was outdated. I rubbed my tired face as I made my way towards the garbage. My eyes fell on something as I lifted the lid. I stared at it for a few seconds before throwing the yogurt away. As I turned my back to the garbage, the yogurt fell all over the crumbled invitation. I closed my eyes again. Alone.


End file.
